Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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