I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
