i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
