just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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