So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
