yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
zippers are such a cool invention
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
