talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
