I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize