I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
