So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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