I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
