I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
