you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
