i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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