o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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