Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
