Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
