Banned from zoo.
Again?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
