look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
