i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
