my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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