I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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