party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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