You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
