It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
