It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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