Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
