I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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