Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize