is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need a beard to bite.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
