yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
