Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
