Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
