a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
