HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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