Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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