I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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