I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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