i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
