I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize