The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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