literally had 100 drinks last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
