my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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