Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
