i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
