If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
