hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
