i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
