If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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