I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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