Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
