I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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