Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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