YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
