please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize