I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
