My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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