I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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