you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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