Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this boner is exhausting
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
