I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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