are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
