No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
