Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
