We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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