WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Houston, we have a squirter
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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