No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
