So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
