with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
