he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
