suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
