Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
