He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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