so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
