My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
