perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
