He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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