it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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