I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
