Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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