Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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