nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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