Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
