How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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