so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
