my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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