his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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