there's paper in my vomit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
