Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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