do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
