You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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