What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize