I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
