he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
3 2 1 whiskey
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
