I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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