Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
