she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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