Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
