smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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