New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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