She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
