How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize