I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
