rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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