They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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