I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You can't motorboat a personality
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
