he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
